My take on the HOA

When searching for a new house, I was impressed when entering some neighborhoods. The entrances were beautiful and announced the name of the subdivision. The flowers were blooming and freshly mulched. You usually pass the pool, tennis courts and neighborhood playground at the entrance. All beautifully maintained. And usually empty.

Trash cans aren’t visible. There are no lawn chairs out front. No toys. No cars. The yards look perfectly manicured. Not a ‘hair’ out of place. In fact, often it doesn’t look like anyone lives there. It allows you to imagine YOUR life there. Beautiful houses. Beautiful yards. Beautiful children (if you happen to catch a glimpse of one)

So you find the ‘for sale’ sign at the house of your dreams. You check it out and think “Yes, I could live here!” Where do I sign. 1500 pages later, signatures, initials and $ all in the right place, you move in.

Then the letters start. “Per covenant regulation 6B 1.42 ‘all trash cans will be place out of view, possibly within the confines of the interior of your house, lest passersby and nosey neighbors think you actually produce trash in your abode. Failure to store trash in your house will result in a fine of not less that $25.00 a day that will accumulate until we are able to take full possession of your house.”

“per covenant regulation 7A 2.45 ‘all children’s toys shall be put away immediately after use so that it appears that no children live in said neighborhood. Preferable, no toys of any kind will be used outside, so as not to offend your neighbors with the raising of your children.’

“per covenant regulation 4C 5.23 You shall keep your lawn emerald green only during the times the HOA has agreed upon. Your lawn should be green without consideration to the weather. Don’t think you can enjoy the yard work on your own, at your leisure. You will be expected to hire a ‘lawn maintenance company’ to ensure your yard looks like everyone elses. They will be responsible for seeding, fertilizing, mowing, mulching and planting HOA approved flowers in acceptable colors. Any flowers not meeting the required coloration will be yanked out under cover of darkness by the closest HOA board member. Please be sure to coordinate your landscaper days with the days your maid come as 2 ‘work’ vehicles are not allowed in your driveway at the same time.

Now when I drive into a neighborhood and I see the tale-tell signs of an HOA, I run the other way. In the meantime, I’m stuck with the one I’ve got. I didn’t have a choice as to whether I wanted to participate or not. If I wanted a neighborhood, I had to have an HOA. I have small children and I wanted them to grow up in a neighborhood.

What amazes me is that the same people who don’t trust their neighbors to take down their Christmas lights before the 4th of July and don’t trust their neighbors to not paint their house some atrocious color and don’t trust their neighbors to not pile up trash on their property until it’s condemned, give these SAME neighbors the power to make decisions for everyone in the neighborhood. Why? How did these horrible HOA’s come into existence. More importantly, How do we get rid of them?