Friday, May 01, 2015

Moving Month

Well, it is finally here...moving month.  We actually have less than a month left in this place we have called home for almost 10 years.  The only home my children have known.  And loved.  Rena, my oldest, is, interestingly, the one who is most looking forward to the move.  Riley, not so much.  And with Rachel, it's just kind of hard to say.  I am looking forward to this all being over.  It's been almost a year since I found out we were going to have to move.  I don't regret staying here this last year, but, seriously, I'm over it.  I've packed, sorted, thrown away, organized, sold and given away and yet, if you walked in my house, you probably wouldn't be able to tell!  Where does all of this stuff come from.  I'm tired of having strangers in my house. I'm tired of worrying about if it's 'show-ready'.  I'm tired of talking about moving, looking at houses, thinking about what needs be done when...all of it.  As sad as I am about leaving our little school, my friends, the girls' friends and my comfort zone, I'm done.  Because of pets, the logistics of the move are going to be a pain in the ass.  My cats are totally going to be freaked out.  The dog will probably love it.  And there is so much work left to do.  But I just have to figure what I don't get to here will be coming to Maryland with me.  :P 

So, the countdown begins.  I'm not exactly stressed.  But I think I'd better sharpen my pencil for the to-do list.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Oh what a difference a week (or 2) makes.  At the risk of jinxing myself, let me just say things are falling into place.  I will say, so far, the largest stress of this whole thing has been getting ready to get the pictures taken so the realtor could put the house on the market.  I literally have not been that stressed since I don't know when.  I mean, truly, mentally, physically, emotionally stressed.  It was awful.  It was bad enough that I cancelled our Spring Break plans.  And to be perfectly honest, I'm so glad I did.  My hubby came home and we just hung out here at the house.  No pressure.  Exactly what I needed.  And the girls got to sleep in, hang out with friends and even spend the night out.  Poor Blair was bored.
So, the showings began, but that wasn't as stressful as I thought.  Most of the work had already been done. 

I love how my house looks from the outside.  It has not been my favorite on the inside, although it is a pretty's just not 'me'.  However, this truly has been a wonderful place to raise my children.  And I am so fortunate that we have had the wonderful neighbors that we have had.  I truly get choked up when I think about leaving them.  So, I don't spend much time thinking about that. 

I am excited about where we are moving.  We had narrowed it down to 2 different counties, Anne Arundel and Howard.  I had been leaning toward Howard but I didn't want to rule anything out.  I don't know what it is, but I truly feel like this is the place we belong.  I hope I'm right.  Blair found us a rental house in a neighborhood in Ellicott City that I have been eying for the last several months.  It's much smaller....a 3 bedroom 2 1/2 bath, but I think it's going to be the perfect transition house for us.  I was/am not thrilled about having to rent, but I'll admit, it has taken a great deal of pressure off of me.  And this place is so close to everything!  The possibilities are endless and I can't wait to get up there and begin exploring.

So, things are beginning to fall into place.  We have an offer on our house.  We have a place rented.  The intense stress is gone.  And now, it's just a matter of fulfilling our obligations here, saying goodbye to our friends and this very important chapter in our lives, and setting out for our next adventure.

Wish us luck!

Wednesday, April 01, 2015

Stressssssseeeeddddd is my middle name.  So I went to Charleston last weekend with my best friend and her sisters and had a blast!  We met up with an old high school friend for drinks, toured old houses and ate delicious food.  Hubby kept the home fires burning.  And started to put the finishing touches on the house to get it ready to go on the market.  Can I just tell you what a big fat pain in the ass it is to move.  Well, it is. 

I got home Sunday night to find tons of stuff piled in boxes in the garage.  There was still plenty to do though.  And literally, I think the stress of it all might kill me.  I can't find anything and there is still so much to do.  Stressed.  Did I mention I'm stressed?

So today, the house had to be ready for the Realtor to come take pictures.  Oh, so much work.  I can't even....

But she came.  And made pictures.  And that part is done.  The house looks really good.  I'm exhausted.  And my closets and cabinets are crammed full of crap.  And will be until we move.  Hate it.  But, I have to admit that a little bit of the pressure is off.  Let the showings begin.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Good Golly, Miss Molly.  This is the first time I've had to sit down and think in weeks.  The first weekend in March, I left the girls and flew up to Maryland to start searching for a new home.  Sounds easy enough.  ha!  I managed to get all the clothes washed and put away before I left...if you have children, you know that is a major feat!  One of the girls' past teachers came and stayed with them.  They LOVE her...and so do I.  A really cool chick.  And taking over my day to day is no easy task.  The girls had softball practice and a birthday party so they were pretty busy.  And Ms. Kelley had obligations of her own that the girls got to help with.  Oh, and did I mention that's the first time I've left them except for one quick overnight trip where they stayed with their grandparents...and texted us the whole time!  This time, I could barely get them to talk to me on the phone...and they wanted me to stay gone longer!  Well, um, not really, (so they said) they just didn't want Ms. Kelley to leave!

Anyway, house hunting went well even though we are not quite ready to make a purchase, unfortunately.  I found this house that I really loved.  Who knows, maybe it will still be available when we are ready.  Or maybe our dream home is somewhere else completely.

I have a little better feel for the area, so that is a good thing.  And after looking at several houses, I am excited about the possibility of finding a really great house for our family.  I can't even begin to be hopeful for the kind of built in friends we have on our street now, though.  The longer the Spring goes on, the closer we get to the friends that we will soon have to leave.  That is very hard.  I really can't imagine not having these children in my life and the lives of my own children.

Another plus of the trip is that Blair and I got to spend some time together as a couple.  It was really nice.  We even went out with his best friend and his real adults!  I've missed that!  Most of my company is the tween crowd.

Next up on my busy list was our school's Bingo Night.  I was 'chair-person' but really I was only in charge of getting the prizes.  I got some cool prizes too!  Then I got to sit up on stage and tell what the prizes were for each round.  My head wasn't really in that game, but I managed to get it done. 

Then, I had to get items ready for a consignment sale.  I managed to get over 200 items tagged and ready for the sale.  It took me three solid days.  I was literally exhausted after that and finally took a day off.  That was last Monday, and I'm still tired!  But all that hard work paid off, and I made the most I've ever made consigning clothes.  Over $400!  I'm still excited about that!  But I have literally hundreds more pieces I need to get rid of.  That is next weeks assignment.

Then yesterday, the painters came to freshen up some rooms for me.  Only I forgot they were coming  and I was still in bed when they got here.  (It was a rare day that I got to sleep in because Blair was in town and was a WATCHDOGS dad at school.  So he was in charge of getting the girls ready and to school and I got to relax and sleep in...until the doorbell rang!)  That started my day off in a bit of a scramble, but having other people working in the house motivated me to get some stuff done.  So, laundry is largely caught up and I got a few more things packed up and into the garage.  And some stuff thrown away.  (I have to take advantage of THAT feeling when it hits!) 

Today, I will spend putting things back in place and cleaning up from the painters.  Then the carpet cleaners come Thursday.  Then the listing agent.  And the machine keeps on moving.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Snow Days

The sounds in my house have been a constant babble of girls, freed from the confines of school by the beauty of snow.  The unexpected break has afforded my girls endless hours of friendship and confidences shared with some of their best friends that, luckily, live right across the street.  The five girls have been virtually inseparable over the last 3 days.  Much like the snow, they swirl from one space to another, settling in drifts to play Minecraft or watch Disney channel.  Warming up to cups of hot cocoa, only to become unsettled again and disappear into the cold once more. 
Currently, Riley is explaining to her best friend how she is going to dress up the family dog for Halloween this year with a Beware of Dog sign around the harmless dog’s neck.  I listen from the semi-privacy of my own space.  I am overwhelmed with a melancholy sadness knowing that this Halloween will not be spent with friends that we have grown so comfortable with.  Friends that we have played dress up with in a plethora of cast aside costumes from Halloween’s past.  Friends that know that the dog is most definitely not the kind of dog anyone needs to beware of.  Instead, we will be in a new place, celebrating the new milestones of our life with people that are, to us now, strangers.  In my overwhelming sadness, I cannot be excited today about all the interesting things our future new home will bring.  I can only be broken by the sadness of what we will be leaving behind.

Friday, February 20, 2015

As a general rule, I'm trying to stay positive about the upcoming move.  I think we are moving to a great area.  There are going to be lots of new, positive experiences for my girls, and hopefully me.  I spent the morning researching schools on Niche and discovered that 16 elementary schools from the county I want to move to, ranked in the top 20 in the state.  13 of the middle schools ranked in the top 20 and 8 of the high schools.  It's a great area and there is going to be so much to do.

But the reality is my children are going to be leaving behind some pretty special friends.  Rena, who is in 5th grade, is finally starting to make some really good friends here.  I know that sounds like she has trouble making friends, but that's not true.  She has just been content with her best friend (across the street) and hasn't really needed or shown interest too much in connecting with others.  She enjoys other friends, but I just haven't really seen her bond with anyone too very much.  Until recently.  My twins, however, make lots of friends wherever they go.  Especially Riley.  I swear, she's going to be the kind of girl that has 20 bridesmaids.  But even they are growing their social circles every day. 

We just finished up our basketball season and there is/was real potential to facilitate some bonding among the teams.  If the temperature will ever make it out of the teens, we will be starting our softball season.  I'm sure it's going to be a great experience.  The girls already know several team mates and softball here is very serious.  At least 2 if not 3 practices a week and then games.  There will be lots of time for friendships to form and bonds to strengthen.  And yet I'm torn.  It's difficult to put the time and effort into connecting with new people knowing that there really is no point.  We'll be gone in about 15 weeks.  Wow.  That's it.  All of those connections for my children will be lost.  So, I'm left deciding how much I want to encourage these fresh friendships and how much I want to insulate my children from the pain of leaving it all behind.  Moving sucks.  Even when you get to go to some place better.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

So, I'm trying to clean out at least one area a day.  Really clean it out.  Throwing things away is difficult for a pack rat, but I'm feeling pretty good about what I'm getting just doesn't feel like it's fast enough.  More crap piles into this house on a daily basis than is manageable.  It's truly astonishing!

I tackled the linen closet the other day.  And I think what strikes me the most is the amount of disorganization that has taken over the house.  There is stuff everywhere!  I finally managed to get about 1/2 the towels and all sorts of mix and match sheets packed away.  I got 3 huge boxes done.  I figure the more I can pack away now, the less I have to clean around next month.  If I was able to actually declutter/clean/organize one room a day, it would take me over 2 weeks.  That's not going to happen though because life has not stopped for us to get ready to move.  Au contraire, the schedule has rampppppeeeeeedddddd up significantly.  We are finishing up basketball (2 teams) this week, but we are/were starting softball this week.  Except mother nature decided to cast us all in ice.  So that is postponed a little.  Of course, it's a totally will we/won't we email fest everyday.  And the girls are on their 3 day of missed school. 

And all of this is getting me closer to the emotional part of moving...something I've been able to completely ignore so far.  The first two days of our snow day, the girls best friends spend the whole day over here and then the next day they were back and forth between houses and ended up sleeping over at the friends house.  All 3 of them.  I really missed them.  But I also realize the we aren't going to have that easy comfort for a while once we move.  These girls have grown up together.  They are more like sister/cousins than neighbors.  The are going to miss each other.  I'm going to miss them.  But truly, I can't think about that now.

Monday, February 02, 2015

Last week was kind of a bust on all things moving.  Current life kept me really busy.  But I swear, it is constantly on my mind.  What to throw out, what to keep, what to pack up, when to pack it up.  And I check out almost daily.  And then I get so depressed because all the houses I like....and I'm not talking about 'oh, when I hit the lottery' like, but just a 'hmmm, that's nice.  it'd prolly work' like run about 600K or more.  WTF!  The must make the houses out of gold in Maryland.

Friday, January 23, 2015

A hunting I will go

Town hunting.  House hunting.  School hunting.  Camp hunting.  Pool hunting.  It overwhelms me so easily.  There is soooooooo much information out there.  Truly, I can only take really small bites.  I found a new website for evaluating schools.  I had been using Great Schools, but this one is  The good news is the school district I've been looking at is top ranked.  It really seems to be spectacular.  And that's good, right?  Or is it?  The pressure.  Oh my.  I'm not sure if the internet is my friend or not.  I suppose I just need to keep in mind that my children are resilient and flexible and smart and funny and they are going to be just find no matter where we land.  Right? 

Monday, January 19, 2015

The Great Clothes Migration

The Great Clothes Migration took place today.  I say that like it's one main event.  It's not.  It's a torturous, and never ending slow trickle that sometimes springs a leak.  How does this relate to the move?  Well, normally when my twins outgrow something, it gets put into the 'consign' pile...wherever that may be.  Consignment sales come around twice a year...Spring and Fall.  And I've been doing them since the girls were little.  And if things don't sell one year, they get put into the pile and I try again. Until I get tired of looking at the same outgrown clothes over and over.  But there is always a pile of outgrown clothes somewhere in my house.  But this year, it's all got to go.  And I mean all of it!  So, once I do the Spring sale, anything Spring that we outgrow is G-O- N-E.  I swear.  It's really going to happen.  And all of the Fall's going too, because I'm not taking it with me.  And it really is cathartic to get rid of all of that stuff.  HOWEVER, there are about 5 huge tubs of clothes that Rena has outgrown, but the twins haven't grown into.  Those are coming with us.  Sheesh.  It's never ending.  Oh, and I didn't even mention the entire drawer full of dance wear and gymnastics wear....and swimsuits!  I feel like I'm drowning in clothes.  But, for the first time, it really does all have to go.  That is one of the upsides of moving...clearing out all of the clutter without guilt.  It might even get this pack-rat girl to change her ways.....nahhh.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

The packing continues

When I took down Christmas this year, I packed it for the move.  Not a big deal, really.  Just lots of bubble wrap.  And now I'm moving on to the next 'non-essential' (antiquated) professional file.  I taught Kindergarten for 15 years....that seems somewhat unbelievable to me now.  15 years is a long time.  And along those years, I tutored children in K-5th grades.  I have a LOT of stuff.  Just my activity books for Kindergarten filled a copy paper box.  And as I loaded those books into that box, wonderful, warm memories flooded me of all the children I taught over those years.  The sweet innocence of Kindergarten...elementary school...St. Timothy's.  What a wonderful place for my career to have taken me.  The students...the teachers...the parents... I cannot even begin to tell you how much I miss the little school where I taught.  There is a true ache in my heart...a mourning having left there.  (I left to become a stay at home mom.  And I don't regret that choice, ever.)

The reason all of these things have been unpacked in the first place is because I was always wanting to supplement what my children were learning in public school.  I wanted for them those warm lovely memories.  One of my regrets is not being able to send my children to that school.  But despite raiding my professional file over the last 6 years, I rarely used any of it with my children.  They are so smart.  And they are a good way.  And I have been fortunate that their teachers work so hard to find ways to challenge them intellectually.

But as I was packing up all of these things for the move, it just magnified the fact that we are moving...all the time.  My children are outgrowing elementary school, that place in time where they are most protected.  That place where, if done right, is magical and full of possibility.  That constant need for me that is, at once, both draining and fulfilling.  Moving.  Growing.  New adventures.  The possibilities are endless.

So, I will continue to fill the boxes with the lovely spirits of the past.  I will store them safely away.  And I will try to remember that there are empty boxes out there just waiting to be filled.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

It's gettin' real now, y'all.  We met with the realtor that will be selling our house today.  It was a good meeting.  The good news is we might actually be able to hope to get a little more out of it than we paid.  The bad news is it's not nearly enough to get us into a house we want in MD.  Lord, the stress.  It's going to kill me.  At the very least, it's making me bitchy.

So I can already start to feel the pressure building.  There so much to do....and for the most part, no one but me to do it.  And here we are in the second half of the school year for the girls.  They play basketball, they are getting ready to be in a play, they want to play softball.  So much to do all of the time.  And that doesn't even add any of my stuff I might want/need to do.  I have tennis starting back soon.  My last season to play with a team I've been playing with for about 7 years now.  boo.  I'm working on the Bingo committee for our school...actually, I think I'm the chair person.  I'm room mother for Rena's class.  I've got to fly to MD and look for places to live.  Arghhhhhh.  Too much to think about.

So, I need to break it down into small manageable bites...I just need to chew faster.

Friday, January 09, 2015

This is kind of what I feel like right now.  Only I still look like my middle-aged, out of shape self.

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

Starting over

A sweet friend messaged me about this blog today.  Even though I frequently put myself 'out there', I'm always surprised and somewhat taken aback when I find out someone is paying attention.  Her comment got me thinking. 

I want to document this move for several reasons and one of them is so that maybe someone else like me can read it and think, 'oh, I feel the same way!'  From my conversation today I told my friend this - "Making new friends, real friends, as an adult is not easy. And I feel like I'm at a time in my life where certain things should be on auto pilot."  And I do feel that way.  There is some underlying resentment about having to move.  Of course, right now, it's outweighed by the promise of what the future holds.  But that is the way it should be, isn't it.  The promise of the future should be exciting and overshadow irrational fears and stagnant behaviors.  

Because I've already moved against my will once, I was able to learn some things about myself.  I was able to let go of preconceived notions others had of me.  I didn't have to 'live up' to the person I had always been and people expected me to be.  It gave me time to give some thought to who I really was and wanted to be.  I don't think those people are so very different, but I was able to explore that without any pressure.  I also learned that I can do this.  This move isn't nearly as scary as the first one.  I remember talking to one of my lifelong friends after I had been in Georgia for awhile.  I was still very homesick for Raleigh.  And we were talking about some friend I had made here.  And she said, "Ok, you've proved you can make new friends.  Can you come home now?"  But the answer, sadly, is no.  I can't.  I have to keep moving forward into a new direction.  I will make friends.  I'll learn my way around.  And now I'll leave a little part of me in Georgia as well as N.C.  Look out Maryland, I'm on my way. 

Monday, January 05, 2015

Well I've managed to get all of my Christmas decorations packed and ready for the move.  At least I hope that's all of them.  Good googly moogly, I have a lot of boxes just for that one season.  And for the moment, I'm storing them in my dining room.  Hubby and I aren't exactly on the same page when it comes to the logistics of it all.  But for my own peace of mind, I need to start getting things packed.  Compartmentalized.  Don't think I don't know what I'm doing.  Next on the 'hit list' is my professional file.  I was teaching before everything went virtual, so I have lots of books and stuff.  And since my girls are just about to outgrow any material I might be able to use to supplement their learning, it's time for it to get boxed up.  And some of it, shockingly, is going to get tossed.  Tossed, I tell ya.  Will I ever use it to teach again?  Time will tell I suppose.  But for right now, I'm not willing to toss hundreds of dollars worth of resources.

My brother keeps pressuring me to rent a big dumpster and hide it from the HOA in my backyard.  He assures me it would be therapeutic.  He's not wrong.  But it's not gonna happen.  I'll keep systematically and methodically plowing through all my crap.  Trash comes once a week.  And for me, for right now, that's plenty.

Other than that, the only 'moving' event that has been on my mind today are the minor home repairs.  Those little things you let go while you are living in a place, but now that we are going to be selling, those things need to be addressed.  I think my one take away from this is that you need to make those repairs to the home you are living in.  Now I'll be paying for something for someone else to enjoy.  Same goes with furniture and decorations.  We've been in this house 9 years and we've never bought furniture or decorations.  It's never been 'finished'.  There are many reasons for that...3 small kids, big dogs, cats, no money, always something else to spend it on, a fear of decoration commitment on my part.  But now I think it's time.  And it's one of the things I'm looking forward to when we move.  I WILL be furnishing our next house.  I might have to hire help, but by God, I'm going to do it.  It is well past time!

That's it.  School starts back for the girls tomorrow, so once again I might have the opportunities to hear the voices in my own head.  I'm sure they will be discussing 'the move'.

Saturday, January 03, 2015

It's a date!

So, I misinformed yesterday.  I didn't do nothing for the move yesterday.  Last night, I pulled up the school calendars for Howard County and Anne Arundel county.  And  Queen Anne's county.  (Kent Island!!!)  That way I could sync them with Forsyth's schedule to see when would be a good time to head north and check out schools.

We went up to MD this fall and Rena and I got to go into a middle school.  Mostly because I'm not afraid of rejection.  In this era of paranoia, I still went and rang the bell of the Middle School.  "Um, we are thinking of moving here and I just had a couple of vague questions I thought I could come into strange school at the end of the day and ask.  With my soon-to-be Middle Schooler in tow."  Buzzzzzzz.  What was I hoping to accomplish?  I'm not firm on the details.  A glimpse into the future, I guess.  Do your middle schoolers carry guns, knives, drugs, STD's?  Or are they smart, driven, awkward, innocents?  I suppose seeing one of them trip over her own feet walking to her mother's car answered at least one of those questions for me!  And Rena fell in LOVE with that school in the 10 minutes we were there.  Thank God.  And the office staff was nice to me.

It's hard enough to think about changing schools.   But to think about entering Middle School!  Whoa!  I didn't even need to have a for sale sign in my yard for that one to be a biggie.  We'll navigate it together, I guess.

And of course, I google-mapped, realtor.commed, and zillowed.  This time, Kent Island.  Which I hadn't really thought of before.  My brother lives in this really cool neighborhood in NC, quietly tucked away next to a million dollar neighborhood.  His family and friends meet up on 'the island' on Sundays, among other days.  Hang out.  Enjoy the Salt Life.  Where they are is a well kept secret.  I'm not telling.  And it's one of my favorite places in the world to be.  It has salt water, a current, and a sandy beach.  Except for a boat and a cooler of beer, you don't need anything else.  Part of me is seeking 'that'.  Maybe on Kent Island.

The search continues.

Friday, January 02, 2015

Bumps in the night

January 2, 2015

I've done NOTHING today.  Well, I've talked about moving.  To a couple of people.  And I dreamed about houses.  And in the middle of the night, when I couldn't go back to sleep, I tried to work out all the logistics of the move.  It's all consuming.  And I think maybe a little exhausting.  I have found the perfect house. 

It's here:,-76.8763742,3a,75y,180h,90t/data=!3m4!1e1!3m2!1s0K1pCt_wA200x0Vm8vJOfA!2e0 

But it's not for sale.  And I have no idea what the inside looks like.  Or what the price might be.  But THAT is the house.

Aside from that, again I have tried to narrow the field for an area to live.  But instead, I just get led in new directions.  Oh, Kent Island?!  I hadn't thought of that!  It's kind of like playing Whack-A-Mole!

So what keeps me up at night?  A laundry list of things.  Mostly schools.  Are they good, but not too much pressure.  Will they be big enough?  small enough? Will I get to know the teachers there like I've gotten to know the teachers here?  What kind of extracurricular activities do they have.  Will the girls be interested in that kind of thing.  What will I do with the cats?  The dog?  The girls!  Do they have a gifted program?  Do I want my girls in the gifted program.  Do they offer reciprocity for teaching certificates?  Do I want to go back to teaching?  And there goes the next tangent. 

Tomorrow.  I will try again tomorrow.

Thursday, January 01, 2015

The Year of the Move

January 1, 2015

This year holds many big events for me.  We are moving.  I am turning 50 and all of my children will be in the double digits.  So much change.  And that's only the stuff I know so far.

I am not a mover...or a shaker.  But really, the moving part...not so much.  Let me just give you a little history.  I was born in the house that I would live in until I graduated from high school.  I would briefly move back into that house after college.  I lived in the same apartment in college for 4 years.  I lived in my first house for 11 years and only moved because I had to.  I've been in this house for 9.  I'm only moving because I have to.  I was not blessed/cursed with wanderlust.

My husband took a new job this past summer in Maryland.  He was born there.  He is working for a company that his grandfather started.  He is excited about his new job.

Me?  I have so many emotions going through me at any given time, I can't even begin to sort them out.  I did make the decision early on that I would not be moving myself of the girls until the end of the school year.  My oldest is finishing 5th grade at a little school I have come to love...a story for another day...and my twins are in 3rd grade.  So I have had a lot of time to think about and prepare for this move.  I'm still not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.  I will say, I can only focus on it for short periods of time.  It's like looking into the sun.

I'm not unhappy about moving to Maryland.  I'm actually looking forward to much of it.  It took me a very long time to like where I live now, and even so, I hate my house.  And for a girl that didn't move around a lot, a house is a very important thing.  So far, I've pretty much only been focusing on the positive.  Maryland is going to be a pretty cool place to live, I think.  It's going to be drastically different from what my girls have grown up with so far, but not so different from where I spent my childhood.  I expect it's going to be busier...more formal....I'm not quite sure how to describe it just yet.  I'm excited to be looking for a new house, one that I can actually put some thought into.  The last time we moved I had 2 breast feeding babies and 3 in diapers.  I wasn't really able to think about much else.  But this time, I've got notebooks full of information...schools, parks, homes, rec centers.  Really, I just want someone to take me by the hand and say, here.  Here is the dream home you have been looking for.  Here are you new friends.  And here are the wonderful children that are going to influence your children only in a positive way.  Ha!  Well, a girl can dream.

The reality of it is I've had way too much time to think about this move.  I'm hoping that will be a good thing.  I've had time to over think and correct.  But, it is constantly on my mind.  I'm either thinking about what kind of house and where, which school, what sports teams, do they have good dance classes, will I find another tennis team, middle school!  or I'm thinking about all the packing and decluttering I need to do, or I'm thinking about the logistics of moving 3 girls, 2 cats and 1 dog 4 states away.  It really feels like mid summer when it's hot, humid and you know there's a chance of afternoon thunderstorms.  Every. Day.

So, it's finally the year of the move and it's time to start mobilizing.  I've had all the thinking time, now it's doing time.  Today, I started putting away Christmas decorations.  All organized and solidly packed for moving.  It is the first step.  My plan is to pack up all of the non essentials first.  We'll have to see how long that takes.  But, it is finally a little more real.  We are moving.  Leaving this community of people I have come to love and respect.  Friends I didn't even know existed 9 years ago.  And start all over.  Fuck.  Seriously, I don't want to start all over.  But it is what it is.  And it's a good move for my girls.  I hope.  I pray.  I worry.

So, you are welcome to come  on this crazy journey with me.  It'll be real.  And honest.  And I'm sure at times, brutal.  I'll be open to any advice about transition.  It's mostly new to me.