Starting over

A sweet friend messaged me about this blog today.  Even though I frequently put myself 'out there', I'm always surprised and somewhat taken aback when I find out someone is paying attention.  Her comment got me thinking. 

I want to document this move for several reasons and one of them is so that maybe someone else like me can read it and think, 'oh, I feel the same way!'  From my conversation today I told my friend this - "Making new friends, real friends, as an adult is not easy. And I feel like I'm at a time in my life where certain things should be on auto pilot."  And I do feel that way.  There is some underlying resentment about having to move.  Of course, right now, it's outweighed by the promise of what the future holds.  But that is the way it should be, isn't it.  The promise of the future should be exciting and overshadow irrational fears and stagnant behaviors.  

Because I've already moved against my will once, I was able to learn some things about myself.  I was able to let go of preconceived notions others had of me.  I didn't have to 'live up' to the person I had always been and people expected me to be.  It gave me time to give some thought to who I really was and wanted to be.  I don't think those people are so very different, but I was able to explore that without any pressure.  I also learned that I can do this.  This move isn't nearly as scary as the first one.  I remember talking to one of my lifelong friends after I had been in Georgia for awhile.  I was still very homesick for Raleigh.  And we were talking about some friend I had made here.  And she said, "Ok, you've proved you can make new friends.  Can you come home now?"  But the answer, sadly, is no.  I can't.  I have to keep moving forward into a new direction.  I will make friends.  I'll learn my way around.  And now I'll leave a little part of me in Georgia as well as N.C.  Look out Maryland, I'm on my way.